Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
