cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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