I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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