Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
