Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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