So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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