seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
