I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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