I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
