I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
