Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
