Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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