i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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