One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
