She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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