im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize