Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
