He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Girls should come with a carfax report
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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