I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
