drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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