i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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