She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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