If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
