I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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