her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she smelled like a LAN party
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
