If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
