Please, let me fuck your mom
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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