I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
