I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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