I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
