Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
