i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
