I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
