She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
