so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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