Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
