Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
