I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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