his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
