I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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