Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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