No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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