I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
