That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
