dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
