don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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