I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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