Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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