shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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