Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
