Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
