Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
