i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
