Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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