new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
