I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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