how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
