Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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