I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
