well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
