Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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