After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
