What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
