Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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