I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
