hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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