the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
