GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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