i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
