I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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