Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
