I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
